#50 Never Stick a Hoover in Your Head

At the start of a new year, we often reflect on the highs and lows of the past season. We look back at what’s shaped us and start thinking about what lies ahead. As a Christian, I also see it as an opportunity to hear afresh from God—to refocus and receive His guidance as I continue my journey of faith.

For me, the end of 2024 was largely about recovering from spinal surgery while still enjoying the festivities and joys of Christmas with family. But earlier in the year, I temporarily convinced myself I was facing a different (much less real) health issue. Problems with my ears had me spiralling into self-diagnosis and treatment mode.

It all started when I was struggling to hear for a few days (probably due to a simple cold) and felt compelled to launch a thorough investigation via Dr Google.

Big mistake.

Within minutes, I was convinced I had type 2 diabetes, yellow fever, irreversible blindness, and one foot firmly in the grave!

First moral of the story: never Google your symptoms.

Determined to treat my imaginary ailments with natural remedies, I stumbled across something called the Valsalva manoeuvre—a breathing technique that can help pop your ears. I gave it a go.

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Here’s a quick guide if you want to try it:

• Take a deep breath and hold it.

• Pinch your nose and close your mouth.

• Bear down gently as if blowing against a closed airway.

• Hold for 10-15 seconds, then release slowly.

⚠️ Be gentle to avoid ear damage. Stop if you feel dizzy!

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My results? Mildly successful. Things felt a little clearer.

Then I fell down the rabbit hole of other remedies. I read about ear candles. No thanks—I’m not daft enough to set my ears on fire. But then I discovered the wonders of micro suction—the process of gently vacuuming out earwax with a special instrument.

Now, I’m not stup—well, okay... let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

After my Valsalva triumph, I went upstairs, determined to move on with my day. Next on the list was household chores (what a saint I am!). I grabbed my trusty Henry hoover.

If you’ve never used a Henry hoover, you’re seriously missing out. It’s like having a loyal little cleaning buddy that trails behind you, beaming up at you with its proud, red grin as if to say, “YOU GOT THIS!”

As I vacuumed away, I took note of the long nozzle of the hoover.

(YES, READER: WHAT YOU THINK IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN... IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS.)

A thought drifted into my mind based on what I’d been researching just a few minutes before:

Micro suction, you say?

I wonder... could I DIY this? Surely, I could clear any rogue earwax myself.

A series of bad decisions occurred in 0.3 Seconds.

Without pause, I placed the hoover nozzle over my right ear and switched Henry to full blast.

The suction felt like it dislodged my brain. I immediately felt as if half my grey matter had been yanked through my ear canal. I stumbled, disoriented. There was a cracking sound, followed by a rush of dizziness and nausea.

Then came the ringing. And more crackling. It went on for what seemed like an age.

Even Henry’s smile seemed to turn upside down—like he was disappointed in me. That little Henry really sucks!

My immediate thought? Great—I’ve popped my eardrum. My next thought? How on earth am I going to explain this to a doctor? Or worse, to my wife?

The disorientation eventually subsided, but I knew I needed time before confessing what had happened. Two full days passed before I dared share the story with my wife. To this day, I consider it a private medical incident I don’t like to discuss. 

Unfortunately, my daughter Sienna found out—and she thinks it’s hilarious.

Let’s hope I can be a little more sensible in 2025!

So, as I take a moment to reflect on the start of the year, I can’t help but think that if I want to hear from God afresh, I need to approach it more like the Valsalva manoeuvre—and less like my impulsive Henry Hoover tactic. I probably need to stop, breathe, block out the noise, and create space—no rushing, no forcing answers. And when I let go and listen, that’s when things will start to clear.

When I get into self-diagnosis and fix-it mode—whether it’s with life’s challenges, relationships, or even trying to achieve great things for God—I convince myself I’ve got the solution. I take matters into my own hands and go full blast. But instead of fixing things or making progress, I end up disoriented.

Forcing things in my own strength always leaves me spinning.

What if the key to moving forward is recognising that you really do have a hearing problem—but it’s a spiritual one? 2024 taught me this lesson—and it left my head sore at times.

If there’s one thing I’m already hearing God say as I step into 2025, it’s this: let go of the DIY approach. Pause, breathe, and choose the right next step—which may not be one of those wild, impulsive “me and my own strength” ideas.

I wonder if you can relate?

Maybe you’ve been trying to fix things on your own—relationships, work, dreams, or even your faith journey—thinking if you just try harder, you’ll make it all work. But what if God is inviting you to step back, quiet your heart, and hear his voice again?

Instead of rushing in or forcing things to happen, what if this year was about leaning into His wisdom rather than your own strength? Whatever you're facing in 2025, maybe it starts with doing less in your own power and more in His.

By the way there was good news about my ears in the end. I had a professional hearing check soon after my Henry encounter—no issues. No wax. Nothing. I would still recommend you don’t try this at home!

Turns out, I only suffer from selective hearing when my wife asks me to do the washing up. Or the hoovering… Part of me wonders if Dr Henry deserves credit for this ‘clean’ bill of health. The other part is just relieved that the ear specialist didn’t send me to A&E.

You’ll be pleased to know I’ve now referred myself for a common sense test.