#34 Side-by-Side Swimming with Sienna

On being a disciple who creates rhythms of relationship

I would never want to be a 12 year old ever again. Would you? In so many ways my daughter’s world is way more complex than mine. 

To Sienna’s generation, (Gen Alpha), being online is not a luxury; rightly or wrongly, it feels a necessity. Data is air. Wi-Fi is water. Texting and talking are interchangeable. Her favourite thing is to swap memes like you and I used to swap sweets. That makes life way more complicated than it used to be and gives parents a whole load of stuff to navigate their young people through. 

This group is, more than any other in history, extensively connected to and shaped by their peers. They are connected 24/7 across social, geographic and demographic boundaries. ABC NEWS

And so, in the midst of the scrolling of phones and the swirling of hormones, to avoid drowning in culture, we intentionally create father-daughter rhythms. We engage in real-world activities.

Whether it's mountain biking, dog walking, or movie-watching, one thing I've realised as a parent is that my connection with all my children really matters.

Currently, one of those rhythms Sienna and I have is swimming.

We swim and talk.

Okay, so mostly, we talk, as we paddle slowly back and forth.

I talk to her about her friends while desperately trying to remember their names.

“How is Molly…. er… Ruby… I mean Becca?”

It is hard to keep up with an extroverted ‘people collector’ like Sienna-Raine.

We people watch together. 

We muse about life. 

Then I embarrass her by doing the Michael Jackson Thriller dance to the music playing from the spinning class that's using the other half of the pool. The instructor loves 90’s music. After swimming, when we get in the car, I usually play her a 'BEST OF' compilation from the artist she had never heard of just a few minutes earlier. Then she does the same for me, playing one of her modern favourites, like Olivia Rodrigo. In this playlist exchange, we somehow bond, like the closeness of AirPods.

Sometimes our conversation leaves the shallow end.

We touch on faith, church, and chat about her future. What does she want to be? How will she make waves in the world?

Maybe her mother

Leah Boden

and I are secretly hoping she ends up a youth worker like her parents were once upon a time. Time will tell. 

At the moment she is learning who she is which will inevitably shape what she does. Much better to figure things out that way I suppose.

“When can I come and work for you Dad?” She asks again.

I forget she is 12 sometimes and want to prep her for a job interview with myself. 

Our new favourite phrase in the Boden household is “paralleling…” This is shorthand for the idea that you can walk side-by-side with someone else on their journey towards Christ from any starting point. 

She tells me what she has done that week to point others to Jesus. 

“Dad…. me and mum have been paralleling!” She tells me again.

For me discipleship has to be simple enough for a 12 year old to get it. 

We even talk about boys sometimes too. I have something to say on that topic because I used to be one. She largely disagrees that I should have any input at all. 

Occasionally I inadequately try to explain why wars happen. Or we discuss why some people have to walk through tougher stuff than others. I express my disappointments while we swim side-by-side and she whispers hers. In those moments I feel my head going under the water and have to fix my eyes on something concrete.

Like the edge of the pool.

Or her.  

I remember when she couldn’t swim at all.

I remember the encouraging and the shouting out of “one more try….”

Who could forget that first time without arm bands.

“Of course you will be okay…”

“Just leap into my arms….”

“Yes…. I will catch you.”

“Time to go again…"

Now it feels like the most natural thing in the world to swim.

We don’t even think about floating.

She just jumps right in.

At least once a swimming session Sienna tries to beat me in a race.

At first it was super easy for me to win. Not even a contest.

But lately things have started to get more challenging.

I can see her getting stronger and more confident.

Of course, I cheer her on, but I still love to cross the finish line before her.

Resilience and all that!

It won't be long till she tastes victory for real. 

Maybe this is what discipleship looks like?

The day she finally beats me? That's when I know I've won.